A fiercely candid, funny, and sometimes heartbreaking blend of memoir and self-help on vulnerability, identity, and reclaiming your life
What if you didn't need Bali to find yourself? For 14 years, Traci Saulsberry led communications at NBC, becoming one of the youngest Black executives at the company. She had everything a modern woman is told to want—the house, her son, the high-powered job. But when her carefully constructed life collapsed, Saulsberry was confronted with a question she'd been avoiding for years: Who was she, really?
Here I was, caught on my heels, with no backup lover to pick up the slack. Naturally, because I am a product of an adolescence spent binging rom-coms filled with sweeping tales, I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I romanticized that there must be a flight to the farthest island on the edge of the world where I could just start over again. My archnemesis, reality, quickly snapped me out of that daydream. I wasn't going anywhere. I felt trapped.
This Is How You Love Her is a vulnerable narrative guide to uncovering your identity in life's small moments, right where you are. With wit and insight, heart and cinematic prose, Saulsberry weaves together pages from her journal, conversational guides, poetry, and reflection prompts in this memoir-meets-guide that gives readers permission to get to know themselves at their own pace.
For anyone who's ever lost themselves in work, relationships, or the image they built to survive—this is your roadmap home.
And this is how you love her.
Perfect for fans of memoirs, self-help, and journaling, this book explores:
- Perfection: Unlearning the belief that you're not allowed to get it wrong
- Body Autonomy: Reclaiming your body and learning to be present in your own skin
- Boundaries: Setting limits with the people you love most, even when it means risking the relationship
- Control: Releasing the need to manage everyone's perception and trusting yourself to just be
Praise
Communications strategist Saulsberry debuts with a wryly funny memoir about her search for self-acceptance. Saulsberry’s voice is the draw here: she’s candid, emotionally direct, and sharply funny…It will especially resonate with women grappling with people-pleasing, perfectionism, and the urge to be chosen at the expense of being known.
—Publishers Weekly
An honest and beautiful guide to finding the truth that will always lead you home.
—Tembi Locke, New York Times bestselling author of From Scratch
Saulsberry offers an incredibly candid and self-aware look into the way that various experiences have shaped her life both professionally and personally…An engaging, interactive, and thought-provoking read.
—The Nerds of Color
Traci offers acompelling framework for embarking on an intentional journey to know more of ourselves. This Is How You Love er couldn't be more timely, more needed for our community.
—Amber Stevens West, actress
As Black women, oftentimes we are left out of the self-discovery narratives because we're looked at as tough and 'can figure anything out,' but we so desperately need a book that shows us it's OK to keep choosing ourselves, over and over again. Traci is the perfect author to show us through her story.
—Alex Hill, creator and host, @JustAddHotSauce
We need Traci's voice in the world! As a creator, I know how vital it is to speak directly about the female experience and to offer opportunities for connection. I for one can't wait to share her book.
—Lennon Parham, writer, cocreator, and costar of Playing House and Best Friends Forever
